133: Re-Run – The Good News About Bad Behavior

Enjoy this episode from our archives – it’s too good to miss!

AND if you’re intrigued by what you hear, consider joining co-host Janet Allison for her upcoming online class: “5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting.”  All the deets are here:  http://boysalive.com/untangle


If your kids always do what they’re told, consistently treat others with kindness and never over-react to unintended slights, you can skip this episode.

If not — WELCOME! Your child is 100% normal, and you’re going to love this conversation with Jen, Janet and Katherine Reynolds Lewis, author of The Good News About Bad BehaviorIn her book, Lewis writes:

If you look around and see misbehaving, undisciplined children everywhere, it’s not just imagination. Children today are fundamentally different from past generations. They truly have less self-control. Simply put, we face a crisis of self-regulation.

Lewis’s observations of her own children, and comments from other parents, led her on a six-year exploration of behavior, parenting and neurobiology — and points the way toward parenting techniques we can begin adapting right now to improve our children’s behavior.

In this episode, Jen, Janet & Katherine discuss:
  • The dramatic increase in mental health problems in today’s youth
  • What self-regulation is, why it’s important, and how to develop it in our kids
  • How to shift your mindset from “How do I control my children?” to “How do I teach them to control themselves?”
  • Progress, not perfection
  • How to shift from a reactive model of parenting to thoughtful, deliberate parenting
  • The “mumble and walk away technique” (Trust us: this can change your parenting for the better!)
  • 3 common characteristics of research-backed models of discipline: connection, communication & capability
  • How to use physical touch to help your child self-regulate
  • Why kids need to do hard stuff — & the link between failure & self-esteem
  • The relationship between risk & capability (“Early risky experiences seem to inoculate kids from later phobias & anxiety,” Lewis says. She also says, “Kids should do something a little bit risky every day.”)
  • Why you should watch out for the word “should”
  • How to find support as you practice a new model of parenting

Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 123:

katherinereynoldslewis.com — Katherine’s author website. Contains a lot of info about her book and a complete list of her speaking gigs.

Teaching Consent to a 12-Year-Old Boy — the backstory behind the “bathroom email” referenced at about 7:16

Why Boys Do What They Do — blog post about Jen’s son pulling himself around the bases (referenced at 8:00)

Episode 111: Self-Esteem & Boys

Episode 116: Why Risk is Important for Boys

BuildingBoys private FB group — Jen’s online parenting community. We welcome parents of boys of all ages, but seem to specialize in helping each other navigate the tween and teen years. A consistently supportive community, filled with tenderness, honesty and compassion.

Boys Alive! Supporting Parents and Teachers of Boys at Home and in School FB group — Janet’s online community. This supportive community stands ready to answer your questions, share their hard-won wisdom, and commiserate and send virtual hugs when needed.

Janet invites you to explore these – and other – parenting concepts in her 6 week class: The 5 Steps to Untangle Your Parenting.  Click here for more details and registration.