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We recently put out a call for listener questions, and boy, did you send ’em to us!
about the struggle of trying to find the perfect balance of keeping your boys busy enough to stay out of trouble, yet not overscheduled
Erin asked us how to handle a “chatty” son who insists he’s the one being unfairly targeted at school:
Our son is almost 10, and in 4th grade. We’ve always heard report card feedback of “we know that he can talk and get his work done at the same time, but he needs to respect the fact that other students are disrupted by his talking.” Ok, I get it — I heard the exact same feedback on my report cards. We’re chatty people! But now we’re getting negative reports that are more serious because when he is asked to stop talking or joking around in class/after care, he is defiant, keeps doing what he’s doing, and then tries to talk back when he gets a consequence. And when we talk to him about it, he acts like a victim who is unfairly persecuted…He’ll argue with his teachers that his behavior isn’t that bad, and that they’re just being hard on him.
We’re not sure how to handle this. He has certainly talked back to us at home before many times, and we feel like we know what to do about it. But he has NEVER been disrespectful to his teachers…Any advice would be lovely!
Penny asked a related question:
When is “disrespect” really DISRESPECT? How much attention, energy and punishment should we devote to it? Is it that they really need to be listened to and understood without judgement?
In this episode, Janet & Jen discuss:
- The myth of “perfect balance”
- Balancing your sons’ need for activity with your family schedule
- The culture of busyness
- How to help a son who doesn’t accept responsibility for his behavior and blames others instead
- Emotional development of 9- and 10-year old boys
- How to effectively collaborate your son’s teacher to solve behavioral challenges (Hint: Involve your son!)
- How to differentiate between “disrespect,” thoughtless behavior and sarcasm
- Dealing with disrespect
- How to discuss respect and disrespect with your son (Note: You need to be very, very concrete! What does respect look like? What is disrespect?)
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
You Asked About Age 14, Implicit Bias and Sensitive Boys (Listener Q & A) — On Boys Episode 144
Help! My Son Has a Girlfriend (Listener Q & A) — On Boys Episode 127
Lying, Risk & How to Advocate for Boys (Listener Q & A) — On Boys Episode 113
Potty Talk, Vaping & School (Listener Q & A) — On Boys Episode 112
Emails and Phone Calls From Teachers — On Boys Episode 131 (includes the story about Sam’s struggle w his art teacher, as mentioned at 8:56)
Helping Boys Deal with Negative Stereotypes — On Boys episode mentioned at 10:59
How to Advocate for Your Son – The live webinar with Janet has aired but you’ll get the replay when you register.