Positive parenting is more pleasant – and more effective than control-oriented parenting styles, says Amy McCready.
Amy is a recovering yeller, mom of two grown sons, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, and the author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World and If I Have to Tell You One More Time…:The Revolutionary Program that Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling.
“Nobody wants to yell at their kids,” Amy says, “but we kind of fall into this trap where we ask nicely, then repeat ourselves, then remind gently, and that goes on — repeat, remind, repeat, remind — until we blow and they finally spring to action.” So we think yelling works, but in reality, we’re training our kids to become “parent deaf,” because they they know they can safely ignore most of what we say. A vicious cycle ensues.
Amy was two kids into parenting before began looking for another way. She learned that meeting kids’ two basic emotional needs — belonging and significance– can go a long way.
“All humans have a need for autonomy, agency, and independence,” Amy says. And sometimes, well-meaning parents do things for their children that the kids could do (and would like to do) independently, with a bit of training. Doing so robs kids of opportunities to be independent.
In contrast, “when kids have a sense of age-appropriate independence, agency, and control, they are less likely to fight you for power,” Amy says.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Amy discuss:
- Why parents yell — & why it’s not effective
- How “being in the moment” can help you effectively manage your child’s behavior (and your frustration!)
- Kids’ 2 basic emotional needs
- Age-appropriate control
- How to empower (vs. enable) your children
- Chores vs. “contributions”
- The problem with rewards and stickers — and why you should use “when/then” routines instead
- Collaborative problem-solving
- How your responses (and mental health) affect your child’s behavior
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
BACK TO SCHOOL is happening around the globe and that carries it’s own set of challenges. Join Amy McCready for the BACK TO SCHOOL SurTHRIVAL training. End homework hassles, put the responsibility where it belongs (your kiddo…) and more. Go to: https://boysalive.com/school for program details. (this is an affiliate link)
Positive Parenting Solutions — Amy’s website
Kate Mangino on Teaching Boys to be Equal Partners — ON BOYS episode (mentioned at about 17:00)
Need help with your boys?
Join Janet Allison’s real-time, monthly group coaching program, Decoding Your Boy