Is future-focused parenting the key to raising adults?
Yes, says Deana Thayer and Kira Dorrian, parent coaches and co-hosts of the Raising Adults podcast.
“It’s not about raising boys; it’s about raising men,” Kira says. “Who are these men we want our boys to become? How do we want them to walk through the world, and what do we have to be doing right now to foster that?”
Future-focused parenting, Deana says, helps parents “make the decision that’s best, rather than the one that’s easy.” It’s a thoughtful, deliberate approach to parenting vs the all-too-common reactive approach utilized by many parents.
The 3 pillars of future focused parenting are:
- Parent from a strong “why.” Boil your “why” down to a word or short phrase, if you can. (Deana is working to “raise adults who are people of character and integrity.” Kira is aiming for “mentally healthy and happy” adults.)
- Get clear on your family’s personal set of values. There’s no right or wrong here; every family’s list will be different. Aim to identify 5-10 values that will really matter in your home. (Kira’s list includes “empathy.”) Post the list in a public place and parent toward them.
- Take a proactive approach. Understanding child development & the milestones ahead helps you prepare. You can also “rehearse” challenging situations to help them develop the skills they’ll need to navigate those situations. (“When we give our kids a chance to practice, they are so much more likely to meet our expectations,” Kira says.)
In this episode, Jen, Janet, Deana & Kira discuss:
- Leading with your vocabulary (how what you say impacts what you do)
- Why you might not want to call your son your “little man”
- Breaking free of harmful family patterns
- The 3 pillars of future focused parenting
- Blended families & co-parenting (yes, you can be a future-focused parent, even if your ex isn’t)
- Adapting future-focused parenting to older kids
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Future Focused Parenting — Deana & Kira’s website
bit.ly/raisingadults — link to get the FREE video & 12 months of character building support
How to Raise a Decent Human Being — classic Building Boys post
Putting Your Boys on Their Best Path for Success in Adulthood — Building Boys post
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